Other than Dad's Letters, we remember some snippets of deep conversation we had with him during some nights after-dinner and visiting him at the hospital.
One particular conversation stood out during his last stay in hospital. My wife, Siew Yin, on a hunch, had told me to check in on him over lunch. In retrospect, this constituted his last wise words, less than an hour before he suffered his final cardiac event.
After happily sharing with us his latest tips on stock & shares (a nice bull run on Jaya Holdings), he conversed on, then suddenly became reflective & said to me,
"Chong, in Life, you can't have everything."
Just think for a minute. How true is that statement? At a different point in time / stage of Life, one might aspire for the opposite, like pursuing your childhood passions when you're young & full of ambition. I suspect that Dad had realised the sands of time were running out for him. And that he chose to be contented with what he had, to be grateful for family, friends & whatever good memories Life had given him. Why, even the first Emperor of China realised that though he could have everything in his vast Kingdom, he couldn't have Immortality.
Dad also wrote letters to himself. I came across one such letter recently, which spoke of his admiration for the writings of an author, Allan Chalmers entitled "That elusive happiness dividend". Put succinctly, it's all about the 3 grand essentials of happiness :
"Something to do, someone to love, something to hope for."
The way Dad saw it, beyond having one's basic needs fulfilled, pursuing pleasure for its own sake hardly added much to the happiness quotient. To be really happy, one needed to engage Life & actively find meaning.
Simple, yet sublime.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Eulogy on 1 Dec 2004
EULOGY
written by dad's best friend
written by dad's best friend
While we are gathered here to bid farewell to Joseph Tan Djoe Thay, with sadness, I have the honour and privilege, to share with you some reflections on the life of this gentleman, whom I normally address as Oom Djoe Thay or simply Oom, meaning uncle.
Oom was born 70 years ago in Jakarta, Indonesia. He was the eldest son of Mdm. Ong Pek Giok and the late Mr. Tan Hoan Kie. His father had substantial business investments in Indonesia, Singapore & Sarawak. In the 1950s his father moved the family to live in Singapore and subsequently in Kuching, Sarawak.
Oom married Auntie Nani in 1956 and settled down in Singapore, where his 3 sons, Dr. Tan Kong Chong, Tony Tan Kong Hin and Dr. Tan Kong Bing, were born and bred. Even though Oom settled down in Singapore, he made frequent and regular visits to Kuching, to visit his mother, his brother and sisters who lived in Kuching and to inspect his family business in hotel and plantation estates.
I have had the privilege and honour to know Oom since the late 1960s. Our initial acquaintance developed into friendship and by 1984, after his closest friend in Kuching, who was my father-in-law died, we became very close friends and confidants. After Oom’s 2nd son, Kong Hin married my foster daughter, Chan Lian Choo in 1991, Oom and I became relatives and our close friendship became even closer.
Over the last 35 years, Oom had shown me that he was a learned man even though he did not complete his University education. He was admitted as a student of the University of Malaya in 1954. He told me that after a few months in the University, he was asked by his father to leave the University & to help his father to manage the family business; and like a filial son that he was, Oom followed his father’s wishes, even though he would have liked to complete his education then. I have no doubt at all that Oom would have distinguished himself in any chosen field.
Because he sacrificed his own desire for a university education for the family business, which he had to manage after his father passed away in 1963 until he retired in the 1980s, Oom ensured that all his 3 sons received University education & encouraged them to go as far as they could. And through his guidance and encouragement all 3 sons have achieved their respective chosen professional status today. Kong Chong is a dermatologist in private practice at Orchard Delfi, Kong Hin is a General Manager in MediaCorp & Kong Bing is a pathologist at NUH.
Oom was very proud of the success of his 3 sons & his 2 grandsons, Calvin & Daryl, sons of Kong Chong and Siew Yin. Oom devoted a lot of time on the 2 grandsons. He had high hope and expectations of his 2 grandsons.
In his letter dated 17 January2004 addressed to his 3 sons, Oom noted with satisfaction on the achievements of his 3 sons and said:-
“And I am gratified that you had wisely agreed with me that it is infinitely better to choose being taught how to fish than to ask for fish for a meal, for the former endures while the latter does not.”
Oom credited his wife, Auntie Nani, for her part in building the family he was very proud of. In his said letter of 17 January 2004, Oom wrote:-
“As for Mummy, you cannot have a more devoted mother with a heart of gold as well, and we look forward to celebrating our coming 50th year of wedded bliss with you.”
Oom was a man of great intellectual abilities, learned in the Chinese language as well as the English language. In the last few months, he wrote several letters in beautiful English to his 3 sons, quoting old Chinese wisdom and English proverbs.
In July this year, when I came to Singapore, he showed me the letter dated 17 Jan 2004 containing 3 pages of wisdom, written by him and addressed to his 3 sons. Sometime in late October or early November this year when I rang Oom from Kuching, he read the other shorter letters to me and he told me that all those letters he wrote to his 3 sons were the most important legacy that he was leaving his 3 sons, Kong Chong, Kong Hin and Kong Bing, and through them, their wives, Siew Yin, Lian Choo & Amy, and their children, Calvin, Daryl and Sherri and others yet to come, all of whom he loved dearly.
Oom practiced the following philosophy which he had conveyed in one of his recent letters to his 3 sons:-
“Think not of the kindnesses you have shown others but do not for one moment forget even one single act of kindness you have been shown and benefitted from.”
In the early 1980s, when my father-in-law, Oom’s closest friend, became sick with suspected leukemia, it was Oom who insisted that he came to Singapore to seek medical attention and treatment and it was Oom who arranged for the hospitalization, examination and care of my father-in-law in Singapore. Later in 1984, when my father-in-law was critically sick in the Kuching hospital, Oom was there by his side until he breathed his last breath.
He would go out of his way to help his relatives and close friends, if it was within his ability to help. And he asked for nothing in return. In his letter dated 7 October 2004, addressed to his 3 sons, Oom gave them the following lesson, drawn from his personal experience; "It is possible for one to see a crisis and yet not recognize it. Not recognizing a crisis reflects a less than desirable sharpness of the mind. Inaction to remedy a critical situation can be costly, extremely sometimes. It therefore pays to train the mind to be alert and responsive in resolving a crisis promptly.”
I believe that Oom’s lesson was drawn from the event that occurred in 1997 or 1998, when his mother was very sick in Kuching and it became necessary to call for the ambulance to bring her to the hospital. Oom was in Singapore. One of his sisters telephoned Oom to inform him of the situation. Oom asked his sister to describe the symptoms of his mother’s
sickness. While they were still talking over the telephone, the ambulance arrived. Oom asked his sister not to hang up the telephone but to ask the paramedic to speak to Oom. The paramedic went to the phone & talked to Oom and they discussed the situation and Oom suggested the appropriate action and treatment immediately. The paramedic followed Oom’s suggestion and Oom’s mother responded well to the medication before reaching the hospital where she recovered fully after a few days. Of course, Oom flew over to Kuching to be with his mother during hospitalization.
After his mother was discharged from the hospital, Oom spent a lot of time talking to his mother to persuade her, successfully eventually, to come to Singapore to stay with him and Auntie Nani so that he and Auntie Nani could take care of his mother. He felt that it was his filial duty to do so. In his letter dated 17 Jan 2004 addressed to his 3 beloved sons, Oom reminded them of the ancient cautionary saying that:
“Filial piety has to be timely. It is of no consequence to parents who have departed. The warning relates the tale of a man who returns in search of his aged parents, in an earnest desire to care for them, only to find that he has come too late.”
Further, in the said letter, Oom wrote to his 3 sons:
“I am thankful that this time-honoured virtue in Asian societies in particular is accepted and respected in our family.”
Over the years I have learned a lot from Oom, a kind and caring man, fair and just, courteous yet firm when need be, dignified in appearance and in character. In my book, a gentleman.
CONCLUSION
In his letter of 17 Jan 2004, Oom noted that
“the Analects circa 600 B.C., recorded that it was believed that at age 50, one knows or should know what Heaven will or will not grant, and that by age 70, one accepts what must be done must be done. Only then can one say one is free of cares and free to do what the heart pleases.”
Goodbye my beloved friend. Have a safe journey and may your destination be a place where you are free of cares and free to do what your heart pleases.
1st December, 2004
Written and delivered by Mr. Chan Kay Poh
Letter of 15 Oct 2004
15th October 2004
To my beloved sons:
Kong Chong, Kong Hin, and Kong Bing
Dear Sons,
Some more thoughts that cross my mind.
On being generous and disciplined
Greatness is: "Think not of the kindnesses you have shown others but do not for one moment forget even one single act of kindness you have been shown and benefited from. "
Modern day meaning: Because others do not say "thank you" for what you have done for them, it does not mean that you have to descend to the same level of poor social behaviour and forget to say your own " thank you" to someone who had rendered you help or done you a favour. By being generous and disciplined at the same time, you are in charge of yourself, as you are then at peace with the world and with yourself .
On being forgiving and unburdening yourself
Because to forgive the unkind is divine, it is in practice very difficult to achieve the aim in its completeness. So try to forgive as best you can and forget any unkindness done to you, so that you will have no burden of bitterness to carry all through your lives (from what I have experienced).
On brotherly relations
Brothers are like fruits from the same tree. Wish your brothers well always, and treat them and their wives and their children with kindness. Harbour no illwill or jealousy or prejudices towards them and you will have sown seeds of good fortune for your own children and your grandchildren in the years to come (From real life examples I have seen and witnessed).
As my father and your grandfather once said, wish others well and you will be well. What more with your own brothers.
Nothing makes us parents happier than to see you our beloved sons loving and caring towards one another, and rendering help at one another' s hour of needs. But a word of caution will not be out of place. Be mindful and guard against everyday language and remarks that are hurtful or less than kind, intended or unintended, let alone speaking ill of your brothers, so that a harmonious and enduring brotherly relationship can be forged, nurtured, and preserved for life. Too often, resentments (often suppressed), and unnecessary conflicts are sparked off by thoughtless little acts and habits such as fault-finding and unrestrained criticism of others, fairly or unfairly, without regard of the feelings of those at the receiving end. So avoid these pitfalls and a happy relationship is assured. The wise words:
To my beloved sons:
Kong Chong, Kong Hin, and Kong Bing
Dear Sons,
Some more thoughts that cross my mind.
On being generous and disciplined
Greatness is: "Think not of the kindnesses you have shown others but do not for one moment forget even one single act of kindness you have been shown and benefited from. "
Modern day meaning: Because others do not say "thank you" for what you have done for them, it does not mean that you have to descend to the same level of poor social behaviour and forget to say your own " thank you" to someone who had rendered you help or done you a favour. By being generous and disciplined at the same time, you are in charge of yourself, as you are then at peace with the world and with yourself .
On being forgiving and unburdening yourself
Because to forgive the unkind is divine, it is in practice very difficult to achieve the aim in its completeness. So try to forgive as best you can and forget any unkindness done to you, so that you will have no burden of bitterness to carry all through your lives (from what I have experienced).
On brotherly relations
Brothers are like fruits from the same tree. Wish your brothers well always, and treat them and their wives and their children with kindness. Harbour no illwill or jealousy or prejudices towards them and you will have sown seeds of good fortune for your own children and your grandchildren in the years to come (From real life examples I have seen and witnessed).
As my father and your grandfather once said, wish others well and you will be well. What more with your own brothers.
Nothing makes us parents happier than to see you our beloved sons loving and caring towards one another, and rendering help at one another' s hour of needs. But a word of caution will not be out of place. Be mindful and guard against everyday language and remarks that are hurtful or less than kind, intended or unintended, let alone speaking ill of your brothers, so that a harmonious and enduring brotherly relationship can be forged, nurtured, and preserved for life. Too often, resentments (often suppressed), and unnecessary conflicts are sparked off by thoughtless little acts and habits such as fault-finding and unrestrained criticism of others, fairly or unfairly, without regard of the feelings of those at the receiving end. So avoid these pitfalls and a happy relationship is assured. The wise words:
succinctly sum up the essentials of this precious relationship.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Letter of 07 Oct 2004
7 October 2004
To my beloved sons: Kong Chong, Kong Hin, and Kong Bing
Dear Sons,
Lessons learned from experience
Some of my personal experiences have provided me with valuable lessons and the resultant benefits, which I thought I would mention to you as you might find them useful at some stage in your lives. Some of these lessons are :
On recognizing a crisis
It is possible for one to see a crisis and yet not recognize it. Not recognizing a crisis reflects a less than desirable sharpness of the mind. Inaction to remedy a critical situation can be costly, extremely sometimes. It therefore pays to train the mind to be alert and responsive in resolving a crisis promptly.
On resolving misunderstandings
A misunderstanding is unpleasant and a burden and does not do your heart good. If you value a relationship and a misunderstanding arises, act to resolve it as soon as possible. Nip it in the bud if you can, before it becomes unmanageable. However, in some circumstances, it may be unavoidable and justifiable as well to let a misunderstanding remain unresolved when goodwill is absent and reasonableness lacking, so that one need not eat one's heart out over it. Some things have to take their natural course and the world is made up of all manner of your fellow human beings. .
On the courage to admit a mistake
I urge you to believe me that there is always a lesson to be learned from each and every mistake made. Admitting a mistake (in your heart will do) and trying to remedy it and prevent it from being repeated inevitably makes a person wiser.
With deepest love,
To my beloved sons: Kong Chong, Kong Hin, and Kong Bing
Dear Sons,
Lessons learned from experience
Some of my personal experiences have provided me with valuable lessons and the resultant benefits, which I thought I would mention to you as you might find them useful at some stage in your lives. Some of these lessons are :
On recognizing a crisis
It is possible for one to see a crisis and yet not recognize it. Not recognizing a crisis reflects a less than desirable sharpness of the mind. Inaction to remedy a critical situation can be costly, extremely sometimes. It therefore pays to train the mind to be alert and responsive in resolving a crisis promptly.
On resolving misunderstandings
A misunderstanding is unpleasant and a burden and does not do your heart good. If you value a relationship and a misunderstanding arises, act to resolve it as soon as possible. Nip it in the bud if you can, before it becomes unmanageable. However, in some circumstances, it may be unavoidable and justifiable as well to let a misunderstanding remain unresolved when goodwill is absent and reasonableness lacking, so that one need not eat one's heart out over it. Some things have to take their natural course and the world is made up of all manner of your fellow human beings. .
On the courage to admit a mistake
I urge you to believe me that there is always a lesson to be learned from each and every mistake made. Admitting a mistake (in your heart will do) and trying to remedy it and prevent it from being repeated inevitably makes a person wiser.
With deepest love,
Letter of 16 Feb 2004
16th February 2004
To my beloved sons: Kong Chong, Kong Hin, and Kong Bing
Dear Sons, I hope you find the candour of my letter of 17th January a good thing for everyone, and that what I wrote have been relevant. I shall try to continue to write to you, who I am aware are mature, successful, and intelligent adults in your own rights, including rights to your own minds, with a view to achieving some form of a truly open and meaningful communication. This is easier said than done, as many parents either never tried or were unable to communicate with their children at an acceptable and intellectually challenging level.
Although what I shall be writing about will be mostly simple, common-sense everyday home truths that we are at times "too busy" to talk and be reminded about, again this is easier said than done. The truth is that as your loving mother and I are approaching the evening of our lives, communication has become all important and of considerable urgency. Not about money, but something of no less significance and far more enduring. We want to feel that our sons are gentlemen and genial men of character and integrity, besides being also worldly wise enough to make a comfortable living in a competitive world .
Wishing you continued success and with deepest love,
To my beloved sons: Kong Chong, Kong Hin, and Kong Bing
Dear Sons, I hope you find the candour of my letter of 17th January a good thing for everyone, and that what I wrote have been relevant. I shall try to continue to write to you, who I am aware are mature, successful, and intelligent adults in your own rights, including rights to your own minds, with a view to achieving some form of a truly open and meaningful communication. This is easier said than done, as many parents either never tried or were unable to communicate with their children at an acceptable and intellectually challenging level.
Although what I shall be writing about will be mostly simple, common-sense everyday home truths that we are at times "too busy" to talk and be reminded about, again this is easier said than done. The truth is that as your loving mother and I are approaching the evening of our lives, communication has become all important and of considerable urgency. Not about money, but something of no less significance and far more enduring. We want to feel that our sons are gentlemen and genial men of character and integrity, besides being also worldly wise enough to make a comfortable living in a competitive world .
Wishing you continued success and with deepest love,
Letter of 17 Jan 2004
17 January 2004
To my beloved sons: Kong Chong, Kong Hin, and Kong Bing
On my thoughts on Age, Memories and Hopes revisited, and on what makes a family a family ___________________________________________________________________________________
On my thoughts on Age, Memories and Hopes revisited, and on what makes a family a family ___________________________________________________________________________________
Some time ago, I wrote to you that the Analects, circa 600 B.C., recorded that it was believed that at age 50, one knows, or should know, what Heaven will or will nor grant, and that by age 70, one accepts what must be done must be done. Only then can one say he is free of cares and free to do what the heart pleases.
Well, I have accepted most things that must be done since my heart surgery in January 2000. And I am grateful that my brood, or rather my and mummy's three sons have grown, got married, and settled down with their respective careers. Considering that parents of many children born in harder times have to contend with life's many hardships and still take great pride in their children's achievements, however small these achievements may be, one must conclude that there is indeed a place for everyone under the sun. And I am gratified that you had wisely agreed with me that it is infinitely better to choose being taught how to fish than to ask for fish for a meal, for the former endures and the latter does not.
I mentioned that in raising a family, the love and painstaking care that parents willingly give may not always result in reciprocation, which must sadden many hearts and darken many memories. I hope you do not become disheartened and disenchanted. For most children, in Singapore at least, are at heart well aware of filial piety and understand the meaning of the ancient cautionary saying:
Well, I have accepted most things that must be done since my heart surgery in January 2000. And I am grateful that my brood, or rather my and mummy's three sons have grown, got married, and settled down with their respective careers. Considering that parents of many children born in harder times have to contend with life's many hardships and still take great pride in their children's achievements, however small these achievements may be, one must conclude that there is indeed a place for everyone under the sun. And I am gratified that you had wisely agreed with me that it is infinitely better to choose being taught how to fish than to ask for fish for a meal, for the former endures and the latter does not.
I mentioned that in raising a family, the love and painstaking care that parents willingly give may not always result in reciprocation, which must sadden many hearts and darken many memories. I hope you do not become disheartened and disenchanted. For most children, in Singapore at least, are at heart well aware of filial piety and understand the meaning of the ancient cautionary saying:
which essentially means that filial piety has to be timely. It is of no consequence to the departed parents. The warning relates the story of a son who returns in search of his aged parents, to take up his duty to care for them which he was unable to fulfill earlier in his life, only to find that he has come too late. Hence his grief as symbolised by the howling of the winds. I am thankful that this time-honoured virtue in Asian societies in particular is accepted and respected in our family.
If you believe in filial duty and practise it, your children will notice it and will come to realise that it is only natural, right, and decent for them to try and return in some way the love and care they receive from you. In a small measure perhaps. If you show the way by your personal examples, your children will see that practicing filial piety is fair and good for the character and their moral fibre, and will set them apart from those who choose to be indifferent to their filial obligations and who will, more often than not, generally disappoint their parents in many other things in their lives. These are children who have no hesitation in taking what comes to them but would turn a deaf ear to conscience's call to give and serve. They are typically a stingy lot, calculating and ill-mannered. If I appear to be particularly critical of such children, it is because I find irresponsibility irksome.
For too long indulgent parents have been taking it lying down for fear of losing their errant children's love, a misnomer if you like. The worst cases are sometimes reported in the papers when families quarrel, involving children against parents and parents against children. In our modern context of hard realities, where you need to work hard and have your own other responsibilities, parents like us who are relatively able would naturally want to take as much responsibility of themselves as possible, if only to lighten the burden of their children in a meaningful way.
Unfortunately, many parents do need help and are sometimes reduced to a state of total dependence on their children for support. But even a man in the greatest needs of sustenance will not eat from the hand that insults and hurts. In any case, any semblance of arrogance is never justified and has no place in a family where warmth and loving sentiments should be found or the family risks disintegration over time. The moral here is that children should not be insensitive and regard seeing to their parents' material needs as similar to the giving of money to charity. Parents are aware that one who has little to ask of others, loved ones and one's own children included, parts not with his dignity and dignity is part and parcel of existence. As for us, there should be no doubt in your mind that we shall continue to provide for ourselves even as we enter the evening of our lives, for the simple reason that there is good sense, satisfaction, and practicality in our so doing.
So much for the respective roles of parents and children. From my observations over the years, I am inclined to believe that thinking parents who are responsible and reasonable are more likely than not to beget responsive children. The rest has to do with luck and divine intentions. You may find some of what I say to be not very flattering, but flattery will get you nowhere in life and I abhor insincerity. I have come to believe in carrying a light burden and living life simply, including giving up the car for reasons of my and Mummy's health, and for making traveling in the city, on foot and by train, more a joy than a stress. I also believe that I should not continue to entertain what bothers me, including angers and frustrations, and that the sooner these are off my chest the better it will be for a world thus made less cluttered.
I dearly enjoy my family and my grandchildren but I also enjoy taking charge of my own life and saying my say for as long as Heaven so permits. So much on my little philosophy on how to get on with life and face it squarely. As for Mummy, you cannot have a more devoted mother with a heart of gold to boot and we do look forward to celebrating our coming 50th year of wedded bliss with you. Hence making ourselves understood on where we stand on the ideal of this our cherished family is important and relevant. There is a little known emotional side to our needs and we want a joyous, deep, and meaningful spiritual relationship with you. For a superficial relationship has little or no substance, gives no warmth, and offers no commitments, and is as good as non-existing. A family built on a shallow foundation cannot withstand the test of time.
Growing old has meant time to take stock of one's life before it is too late. It has meant our increasing vulnerability to disease and the weakening and wearing out of our bodies by the day. Coping with my heart failure is an effort and a reminder of life's precariousness and uncertainty, not to mention Mummy' s earlier encounter with cancer and our many medical problems and other surgeries that Mummy and I have had. We pray therefore, that you will not take us for granted and be found wanting in life's little courtesy .
To you our beloved children, we appeal and hope that you will stay kind and gentle with us as we age, and that you will be considerate and sincere in whatever you may care to do for us, and pray do so with gladness and the fullness of the heart and with respect too, in order to enable us to fondly remember this family by. The years cannot be reversed and the decline cannot be stopped. Our paths may not cross again. If you heed our words and find our hopes not unreasonable, your loving mother and I would have achieved something worthwhile and need indeed, look no further for true satisfaction and contentment.
With deepest love,
If you believe in filial duty and practise it, your children will notice it and will come to realise that it is only natural, right, and decent for them to try and return in some way the love and care they receive from you. In a small measure perhaps. If you show the way by your personal examples, your children will see that practicing filial piety is fair and good for the character and their moral fibre, and will set them apart from those who choose to be indifferent to their filial obligations and who will, more often than not, generally disappoint their parents in many other things in their lives. These are children who have no hesitation in taking what comes to them but would turn a deaf ear to conscience's call to give and serve. They are typically a stingy lot, calculating and ill-mannered. If I appear to be particularly critical of such children, it is because I find irresponsibility irksome.
For too long indulgent parents have been taking it lying down for fear of losing their errant children's love, a misnomer if you like. The worst cases are sometimes reported in the papers when families quarrel, involving children against parents and parents against children. In our modern context of hard realities, where you need to work hard and have your own other responsibilities, parents like us who are relatively able would naturally want to take as much responsibility of themselves as possible, if only to lighten the burden of their children in a meaningful way.
Unfortunately, many parents do need help and are sometimes reduced to a state of total dependence on their children for support. But even a man in the greatest needs of sustenance will not eat from the hand that insults and hurts. In any case, any semblance of arrogance is never justified and has no place in a family where warmth and loving sentiments should be found or the family risks disintegration over time. The moral here is that children should not be insensitive and regard seeing to their parents' material needs as similar to the giving of money to charity. Parents are aware that one who has little to ask of others, loved ones and one's own children included, parts not with his dignity and dignity is part and parcel of existence. As for us, there should be no doubt in your mind that we shall continue to provide for ourselves even as we enter the evening of our lives, for the simple reason that there is good sense, satisfaction, and practicality in our so doing.
So much for the respective roles of parents and children. From my observations over the years, I am inclined to believe that thinking parents who are responsible and reasonable are more likely than not to beget responsive children. The rest has to do with luck and divine intentions. You may find some of what I say to be not very flattering, but flattery will get you nowhere in life and I abhor insincerity. I have come to believe in carrying a light burden and living life simply, including giving up the car for reasons of my and Mummy's health, and for making traveling in the city, on foot and by train, more a joy than a stress. I also believe that I should not continue to entertain what bothers me, including angers and frustrations, and that the sooner these are off my chest the better it will be for a world thus made less cluttered.
I dearly enjoy my family and my grandchildren but I also enjoy taking charge of my own life and saying my say for as long as Heaven so permits. So much on my little philosophy on how to get on with life and face it squarely. As for Mummy, you cannot have a more devoted mother with a heart of gold to boot and we do look forward to celebrating our coming 50th year of wedded bliss with you. Hence making ourselves understood on where we stand on the ideal of this our cherished family is important and relevant. There is a little known emotional side to our needs and we want a joyous, deep, and meaningful spiritual relationship with you. For a superficial relationship has little or no substance, gives no warmth, and offers no commitments, and is as good as non-existing. A family built on a shallow foundation cannot withstand the test of time.
Growing old has meant time to take stock of one's life before it is too late. It has meant our increasing vulnerability to disease and the weakening and wearing out of our bodies by the day. Coping with my heart failure is an effort and a reminder of life's precariousness and uncertainty, not to mention Mummy' s earlier encounter with cancer and our many medical problems and other surgeries that Mummy and I have had. We pray therefore, that you will not take us for granted and be found wanting in life's little courtesy .
To you our beloved children, we appeal and hope that you will stay kind and gentle with us as we age, and that you will be considerate and sincere in whatever you may care to do for us, and pray do so with gladness and the fullness of the heart and with respect too, in order to enable us to fondly remember this family by. The years cannot be reversed and the decline cannot be stopped. Our paths may not cross again. If you heed our words and find our hopes not unreasonable, your loving mother and I would have achieved something worthwhile and need indeed, look no further for true satisfaction and contentment.
With deepest love,
